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You won't believe what this mysterious government whistleblower was promoting

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A whistleblower who promised to release information on a sprawling government conspiracy to control the population through hip-hop music has been revealed as an actor in a viral marketing campaign to promote a new rap video.

The campaign began on 4chan's paranormal imageboard /x/ early last week when former Department of Defense operative Robert Connors posted a shoddy YouTube of him explaining “Operation Sedgwick,” the alleged hip-hop mind control initiative. At the end of the video, the image cuts to black as an alleged recording of Michael Jackson's final phone call before his death plays.

"The majority of shit on /x/ is bullshit, at least this has some basis in reality," one anonymous /x/ user wrote last week. "I'm not going to just choose ignorance for no reason when all I have to do is watch this story."

Connors also promised to release more information today. At about 1pm, he made good on his word (it gets good at 00:35):

 

 

As it turns out, “Connors” is an actor named Shane Schultz, promoting a video called "WHO KILLED HIP HOP" for Prince EA, a St. Louis-based rapper.

The fake government conspiracy was perfect bait for /x/, an imageboard whose members obsessively investigate the strange and the paranormal.

Sometimes their investigations pan out, as in the case of Pronunciation Book, a three year old YouTube channel that suddenly went off the rails 2 and half months ago. The channel has released one new video a day counting down to a big reveal to occur Tuesday, and /x/philes were the first to spot it.

But they can’t all be home runs. Perhaps because of the similarities between “Operation Sedgwick” and actual government programs like COINTELPRO, or perhaps because they wanted to believe, many on /x/ bought into it.

"Hahahahahahahaha!," one /x/ user wrote today. "Fucking /x/. You chumps."

Screenshot via YouTube


4chan's fake iOS 7 ads convince users to dunk phones in water

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A fancy new color scheme, a level, and the ability to block anyone with a few thumb strokes are just some of the new additions Apple crammed into its latest mobile operating system iOS 7. The ability to submerge the entire iPhone in water is not one of these fancy new features, no matter how convincing these nine 4chan ads may seem:

People on Twitter and Facebook were particularly susceptible to the hoax, where a fake Facebook post from Apple CEO Tim Cook helped give the lie legs.

Since iOS 7 was released Wednesday and the new line of iPhones last week (of which 9 million were sold in the first weekend), every one of Apple's new features has come under scrutiny. The ones that have piqued everyone's pervy interests are the slow motion camera and its fingerprint (TouchID) system. While some users have used their nipples to unlock their phones, these German hackers found a way to beat the system using lifted prints. 

Photos via 4chan

Now 10 years old, 4chan is the most important site you never visit

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Rail-thin, mop-topped, and Vulcan-faced, 4chan founder Christopher Poole, 25, is following a fan to his car, parked in an Atlanta parking lot at 2 in the morning. He's got something to show Poole, the guy says. He opens his trunk, and inside is a Mosin-Nagant, a Russian rifle known around the Internet as the Moist Nugget

“I don’t know if I could say this with the police officers in the room,” Poole says to a crowd of more than 1,000 people nearly 19 hours later. “If he posts that on /k/”—4chan’s forum for “weapons, armor, and other myriad military technology”—“I actually did in fact sign that.”

Any other Web entrepreneur who found himself staring at a fanboy’s gun would scurry into his car and tell Google Glass to call 911. But this is Poole, a.k.a. moot, the creator of 4chan—the “Internet Hate Machine,” the “darkest corner of the Web.” Poole oversees more than 22 million people who flock to the site each month to post photos of their guns (/k/), anime porn (/h/), and the most disturbing images imaginable (/b/) (warning: NSFW). So the staff at Anime Weekend Atlanta (AWA) aren’t taking any chances with security.

Outside, one of the guards barks “No bags, no purses” to patrons dressed as characters from the games BioShock, Kingdom Hearts, and Pokémon. “If you’re wearing a big costume, you’ll have to leave it with registration.”
 

MORE:
Swastikas, porn, and feels: 4chan users explain 4chan to us
4chan’s 10 most important contributions to society
A beginner’s guide to 4chan


There are more than 300 fans waiting in line to see Poole, and the extra security measures are a nuisance. But for Justin Sims, 22, they’re unavoidable. “Seeing how previous panels have acted in the past, I can understand it,” Sims tells me. He’s got long dreads. He’s in streetwear. He traveled more than 14 hours on a Megabus from Baltimore to attend this one event.

This is 4chan’s 10th anniversary panel—the first 4chan panel in six years and likely the last Poole will ever hold.


 

Running a startup is like raising a child, only Poole’s kid has landed him in court, thrown homophobic insults at him, and even, at one time, left him in more than $20,000 in debt and living at home with his mom.

Since he launched 4chan a decade ago, it’s been the most significant and complicated thing in his life. 

The community he built holds immense power. It’s capable of bringing animal abusers to justice and giving the world its most beloved inside jokes and despicable online traditions. The site's memes have spawned multimillion-dollar companies and resurrected entertainment careers. Yet for all the good 4chan has done, it's the pornography, obscene language, and ethically bankrupt pranks that have made it infamous. 

In January, 4chan users tried, semi-successfully, to convince teenage Justin Bieber fans to slit their wrists, then post their own nudes publicly on Twitter. 4chan users have been linked to the hacking of Sarah Palin's email account and accused of ruining the lives of countless teenagers through doxing (the release of personal information online). And that’s not to mention the damage the 4chan-bred Anonymous hacker movement has leveled against the Church of Scientology, Mastercard, and Sony, among countless others. 

Today 4chan is more popular than ever. Between 2009 and 2011, 4chan grew from 5 million monthly unique visitors to 10 million. It now collects 22.5 million each month, making it one of the top 400 sites in the U.S.

Those are the sort of stats that techies and investors salivate over. Yet to this day, Poole has shunned conventional business practices.

He is 4chan’s only official “employee.” If the site is down at 2am, Poole is the person to fix it (chances are, with a cup of tea nearby). If you want to buy ad space on its music imageboard, Poole will walk you through the process. And if you find yourself staring at a nude photo your ex put online or someone swiped from your private Photobucket, Poole is the one who'll handle your takedown request. Poole has worked for free and, on countless occasions, sunk the little money he has earned back into the site. In 2008, when the world’s economy collapsed and the little advertising the site had collected dried up, he asked his mother for $9,000 to keep 4chan afloat. (He paid back the loan just a few weeks ago.)

Why on Earth would someone punish himself like this? Why would he jeopardize himself financially and legally for a website that collects 10 negative headlines for each positive one? 

It has to do with this idea of being a father, sure, but it’s also like being a priest. Leading a congregation isn’t about the money. It’s about giving people a place to worship freely. Under the confession booth’s guise of anonymity, they’ll share some deep, demented secrets, shit they’ve never told anyone—but they’ll tell an anonymous forum. Does that make Poole complicit in his community’s crimes and possibly guilty himself? Particularly when it comes to pornography, homophobic slurs, and pranks carried out at the expense of completely innocent people? Maybe. Certainly, it makes him similar to the likes of Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg and Tumblr cofounder David Karp, two fellow Internet entrepreneurs who faced the same challenge: When you’ve got millions of users, how do you rein them in? Do you even bother?

The golden age of memes

The tale of 4chan’s humble beginnings is one of the Internet's favorite fireside stories, and it has received its fair share of personal embellishments through the years. Many people still believe Christopher Poole isn’t even his real name (a theory given credence in July 2008 by Time magazine’s Lev Grossman). Using more than a half-dozen news stories from the past 10 years, and fresh information from Poole himself, I tried to get to the truth.

In the fall of 2003, the walls of Poole's childhood bedroom were empty except for a nylon banner of an Intel Xeon Processor. Poole was 15 years old, living with his mother in a New York suburb. He had just started his sophomore year of high school, he was bingeing on anime, and he was a member of a comedy forum called Something Awful—which, before 4chan, was widely considered to be the Ground Zero of memes. Poole hung out in a corner of the site called ADTRW (“Anime Death Tentacle Rape Whorehouse”), an anime forum, and Raspberry Heaven, a spinoff from ADTRW that used Internet Relay Chat (IRC). He was also a fan of the anime-focused site Futaba Channel (2chan.net) and 2channel (2ch.net). Users shared photos and text on boards focused around specific topics. The only problem was that these sites were in Japanese. But for a resourceful teen like Poole—he built a custom PC featuring an aluminum case and water-cooling system made using a fish-tank pump and a car radiator—that wasn't a problem. He was determined to combine 2chan’s anime culture with SA’s dedicated community. 

Poole tracked down the source code for the Japanese site and began translating it using Altavista's Babelfish translator. The entire process involved a lot of trial, error, and subtle tweaks (like changing the default submission name from "Nameless" to "Anonymous".) It took Poole a week to rewrite 2chan’s code in English. 

To pay homage to the Japanese site, and because the 3chan domain was taken, Poole named his site 4chan. The first board he created was /b/, a place for all anime/random content. With hardly any money to his name, Poole convinced his mother to lend him her credit card to buy some hosting space.

Poole launched the site on Oct. 1, 2003, and shared the news on ADTRW.

"4chan is merely bringing to the table what English speaking people have lacked for a while; a diverse community united around the simple thousand line piece of PHP code that we call tagboard," Poole wrote in his second official post on the site (the first was a “TEST” post). 

"The road to becoming a full-fledged sister-site [of 2chan] will be a long and difficult one, however I believe that with the help of a few dedicated individuals, and a large, helpful, friendly community, greatness can be achieved."

To help keep server costs down, Poole kept 4chan painfully simple and ephemeral. Users were not able to register accounts or search posts. For every thread created on /b/, another was deleted. In other words, there was no archive. 

One of Poole’s first volunteer developers was John (shut), a member of ADTRW and Raspberry Heaven.

“I first got involved with 4chan by designing the favicon,” John told the Daily Dot, referring to the tiny icon you see next to 4chan.org in your browser's address bar. This design ultimately inspired another volunteer developer, coda, to create the clover logo in 2007, which is still used today. Poole “later had needed help with a bug in the site where the board would allow gigantic image uploads if the file headers were a bitmap. With my basic knowledge of PHP, I was able to fix that bug and work on other small changes.”

Poole added more than a dozen boards over the next year and recruited moderators to help remove content that violated the rules. He tweaked the site’s source code to help fix downtime issues. He also ran a contest to design in-house banners. He collected more than 200 submissions

Six days after launch, the site collected 1 million hits. Two weeks later, traffic nearly doubled. By December, Poole’s Web-hosting bill was $400. He couldn't pay it. Due to all the pornographic content on the site, advertisers hadn’t materialized, and requests for donations had fallen on deaf ears.

"This site simply does not support itself, it's a sad fact, but it's the truth," Poole wrote on March 1, 2004, about a week after a former moderator explained how 4chan needed $2,200 to stay up through the end of the year. "Even with the tons of users (most of the leechers who don't even post), we haven't had enough people pony up enough to pay two damn bills. March will will be the last month that I use out-of-pocket funds to pay the bill. Starting this March, if there is not enough money to pay the server bill, it will go unpaid and the server will be abandoned."

A week later, Poole's post was answered by anonymous donors. But through the rest of 2004, he would turn to the community for more money. 

The answer was DONATE OR DIE 2005, a Kickstarter-esque campaign launched on Aug. 28, 2005. The goal was to raise $20,000 to purchase three servers and a year’s worth of hosting costs. With the site collecting more than 50,000 visitors a day, Poole was optimistic his goal could be met. Two days after launching, the campaign had collected $5,000. By Sept. 30, 400 people had contributed $14,000, just enough for Poole to purchase three Dell PowerEdge servers. This was the last time Poole would ever ask for money from 4chan.

Then, in 2005, Poole got his first buyout offer.

“When I was 17, I was approached by an online Japanese toy store and they offered me $15,000 for the website,” Poole told the New York Times in 2010. “I told them I wasn’t interested in selling, so they bumped the price up to $50,000. I said no.” (He hasn’t received another credible offer to this day.)

With the crisis averted and his mind made up regarding ownership, Poole returned to what he enjoyed most about 4chan: fostering its freewheeling community. And along with it came the inside jokes that we now know as Internet memes. Three of the first memes to materialize were I Herd U Like Mudkips, a reference to the water-type Pokemon; duckroll, a bait-and-switch gag; and LOLcats, cute pictures of felines with funny-sounding text over them. While I Herd U Like Mudkips has never evolved past being a hilarious copypasta, duckroll and LOLcats were the first memes to grab the world’s attention.


 

Since the invention of photography, people have been taking pictures of their pet cats. The 1870s photographer Harry Pointer often dressed his cats up in hilarious costumes, having them pose in human-like positions, and overlaying text underneath. For more than a century, those photos went largely unnoticed—until 4chan discovered them in 2005. That's when an anonymous user created Caturday—a response to “Furry Friday,” when the topic of choice was Disney characters having sex.

Caturday involved users channeling their inner Pointer by taking photos of cute kitties and adding misspelled captions over them. One of the photos included a chunky gray feline with the phrase "I can has cheezburger?" underneath. 

Over the next two years, thousands of cat photos were uploaded to 4chan. One eventually caught the attention of a Hawaiian blogger named Eric Nakagawa. In 2007, Nakagawa registered the icanhascheezburger.com and encouraged people to build and submit their own LOLcat images. By June, icanhascheezburger.com was collecting 200 to 500 submissions per day and Web traffic that translated into "about $5,600 (U.S.) per week,” Time noted. It was rumored that the site was worth $1 million.

In September of that year, icanhascheezburger.com sold for $2 million to entrepreneur Ben Huh. At this time, the site was collecting 500,000 visitors a day. Over the next four years, Huh would transform icanhascheezburger.com into a 53-site, multimillion-dollar empire known as Cheezburger. 

The monetization of 4chan’s funny inside joke did not go over well with /b/. 4chan users felt like they were unfairly being taken advantage of. Those concerns were given a voice in March 2012 during a talk Huh gave at ROFLCon III, an Internet-culture convention. (Fast forward to 10:50 to see the disgruntled 4channer.)

“The voices complaining about the business side of Internet culture has always had the counter-4chan element that 'The Internet Is Serious Business,’” Huh told the Daily Dot. “We've grown up, and past most of this, although some parts of 4chan gets angry at a company du jour every year. Perhaps it's a rite of passage.”

While the heckler made his way out of the lecture hall, Poole sat quietly in the crowd.

“I don’t have a problem with Ben Huh. I have a problem with I Can Haz Cheezburger,” Poole told me. “I like Ben, he's a nice guy, but I don't like his business model. … Kudos to them for finding a way to make money in the age of the meme. But I think that you see this now reflected in their various businesses and websites. We've seen eBaum’s World come and go. We've seen Cheezburger, I'd say, peak. We've seen 9GAG peak.

"Businesses are good for a few years. At the end of the day, they're not communities. People don't give a damn where they get their funny pictures. There's not a real culture. People are fickle. They are ready to hop to the next thing.”

If anyone knows how bad it feels when people move on, it’s British pop sensation Rick Astley. After a string of hits from 1985 to 1990, the singer from Lancashire, England, slipped into obscurity until something happened called the duckroll. 

Duckroll began in 2005 after Poole decided to have a little fun with the community. Using some clever coding, Poole made it so every time a user used the word “egg” in a message, it would automatically be changed to “duck.” As the switch picked up traction, reportsKnow Your Meme, “users started posting links to an image of a duck with wooden wheels as a bait and switch, advertising the link to be to an exciting post.”


 

The meme’s popularity waxed and waned over the next two years, until March 2007. At the time, the Internet was buzzing with excitement over the upcoming release of Grand Theft Auto IV. Knowing just how desperate GTA fans were for leaked details, photos, and videos, one 4chan user posted a link to trick people into believing it was a new video of the game. Only instead of using duckroll, this user swapped it with Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” music video. 

The Rickroll was born. 

Over the next year or so, the meme was used by media organizations like Wonkette, played at a Mets game, and was anchored on YouTube’s front page on April Fool’s Day 2008.

By November 2008, Rickrolling had become so popular, Astley was asked to perform at New York’s Macy’s Day Parade. 

“Rickrolling will never go away. It's something that's so ingrained in Internet culture, I don't think it will ever stop happening or being funny,” Know Your Meme researcher Amanda Brennan told the Daily Dot. “It's a cornerstone, one of those rites of passage.”

Dealing with controversy

In the fall of 2006, a college freshman named Robert arrived at Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU). It was move-in day. Robert and his roommate had met over the summer and become friends, but now he had to 'fess up about something.

"I showed up in Richmond, I went upstairs and asked my father to give me a few minutes,” Poole told me. “I sat my roommate down and said, ‘Hey, dude, my name isn’t actually Robert.’”

Like the name “moot,” Robert was a name the teenage Poole used to protect himself.

"I couldn't even legally purchase pornography, and now it was being posted to this website I ran,” Poole said. “I kind of had two separate worlds. I had the Internet and everything else. And I kept the two entirely separate." 

That all changed on July 9, 2008, when the Wall Street Journal and Time both published articles revealing Poole’s identity. The stories ended up changing Poole’s entire life. His life on the Internet and his real identity were now permanently connected. 4chan ate it up.

Up until this point, 4chan lurked in the shadows of the Internet, the closest a person could get to the Dark Web without having to dive in. Any sort of raids, hacks, or controversies had mostly been ignored by the mainstream press, aside from a threat made against NFL stadiums that resulted in the FBI and Department of Homeland Security getting involved. But now with a name and face to pin all of 4chan’s indiscretions to, the world was taking notice. And 4chan gave them something to gawk at.

Over the next two years, 4chan went on a trolling tear. Here are just a few examples.

July 2008: Google swastika

It was a mystery Google could not figure out. On July 12, 2008, the symbol of the Nazi regime hit the top of Google’s Hot Trends, a list that tracks the most-searched terms at any moment.

“The swastika is a traditional Chinese good-luck character, the Olympics are coming up, and good luck is on the Chinese mind,” suggested one blogger who tried to explain why the symbol was trending.

A tip sent to Google revealed that the real reason a swastika was trending was a simple post on 4chan telling users to search for 卐, a shortcode built into most operating systems. 4chan users played along, and a controversial symbol shot to the top of Google’s trending list and forced the company to issue a statement apologizing.

Fall 2008: Steve Jobs death hoax causes stock plunge

Following almost every public appearance Apple CEO Steve Jobs made in 2008, a death or illness rumor followed. On Oct. 3, 2008, just two weeks before Jobs presented a keynote, a rumor appeared on CNN’s iReport that Jobs had suffered a sudden heart attack. The rumor proved to be false and was ultimately tracked down to 4chan. But the damage was already done. The rumor of Jobs’s death spread to Digg and caused Apple’s stock price to fall “about 10 percent before rebounding later in the day,” CNET reported.

January 2009: Boxxy

Catherine “Boxxy” Wayne just wanted to create a few funny YouTube videos for her friends on Gaia Online, an anime forum founded in 2003. But her videos found their way onto 4chan’s /b/. From there, the teen went viral, becoming one of the most significant dividing forces in 4chan history. Some, wrote the Guardian, “professed to love Boxxy and all she stood for.” Others despised her. Soon, “every thread threatened to spill over into Boxxy spam or a flamewar, and hundreds of 4channers went hacking Boxxy's YouTube account and other websites in search of her true identity.” In the end, 4chan was taken offline for a few hours by a denial of service (DDoS) attack by 4chan users tired of all the drama.

April 2009: The Time 100

As a way to pay tribute to their fearless leader, and have some fun at the expense of one of the most respected media organizations in the country, 4chan decided to game a public poll to have Poole selected for Time’s annual Time 100 poll. 

Not only did they push Poole to the top of the list,  they also rigged the rest of the poll, spelling out the phrase “Marblecake, also the game” with the first letter from the first name of each contender.

The plan worked, and Poole was voted "Most Influential Person of 2009." Although the poll had obviously been gamed by /b/, Time editors have the final say about who belongs on the list, and they decided to award a spot to Poole.

“The 21-year-old college student and founder of the online community 4chan.org, whose real name is Christopher Poole, received 16,794,368 votes and an average influence rating of 90 (out of a possible 100) to handily beat the likes of Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin, and Oprah Winfrey,” Time reported

July 2010: Jessi Slaughter

The story of Jessi "Slaughter" Leonhardt begins in the summer of 2010, when an 11-year-old, mostly known for the words "If you can't stop hating… I'll pop a glock in your mouth and make a brain slushie,” grabbed 4chan’s attention. At the time Leonhardt was a mainstay on Stickam, a livestreaming social network and video-chat site. Once 4chan found her videos, /b/ engaged in multiple raids against her family in an attempt to alert them to her online antics. These raids included publishing her personal information, sending pizza to her home, and spamming her social media accounts. That’s what prompted Jessi’s dad to say two phrases that now live in Web infamy: “You done goofed” and “Consequences will never be the same.” It got his daughter on Good Morning America. Jessi is now living as a boy named Damien.


 

These were tame pranks. Poole never had to answer to anyone. But the hacking of former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin’s email brought Poole attention he never wanted.

In September 2008, less than two months before the presidential election, Palin had her Yahoo email account compromised. The hacker: David Kernell, a college student and son of state representative Mike Kernell of Memphis. Kernell was able to access Palin’s email account by using Yahoo’s password-recovery feature.

He posted screenshots of the emails to 4chan’s /b/ imageboard. Kernell was ultimately arrested and charged with four felonies in October 2008. If convicted, he faces up to 50 years in prison. 

Kernell’s trial began in April 2010 and featured testimony from Palin, her daughter Bristol, and Poole, who was forced to travel to Tennessee to appear in court. 

“It’s not a way I like to spend my time,” Poole said. 

Instead of just asking Poole about the information he had been ordered to turn over to authorities, lawyers for the prosecution and defense felt it necessary to prod him on the stand about 4chan slang and memes. (Read the full transcript here.)


 

On Nov. 12, 2010, Kernell was sentenced to serve one year and a day in prison; he is currently on probation.

Poole’s trip to Tennessee was a pain in the ass. But 4chan has taken him to way more interesting places.

4chan (sort of) grows up

There are only so many pics of dead babies, deformed genitals, and bug-eyed anime characters you can view before you start looking for something more in life. For Poole, that something was Canvas.

Started in January 2011 with more than $3 million in funding, Canvas was almost the polar opposite of 4chan. It's a safe-for-work community where users can remix images on the site in exchange for colorful stickers. Users could also register accounts. Not to mention, Canvas has a board of directors, a staff of more than five people, and a quaint office in New York.

During its first year, Canvas saw considerable growth. It collected more than 77,000 users and more than 5 million stickers. The community became particularly proficient at interpreting breaking news. For example in January 2012, Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer was photographed greeting Barack Obama at the Phoenix airport with a wagging finger, upset over how the president responded to her book Scorpions for Breakfast: My Fight Against Special Interests, Liberal Media, and Cynical Politicos to Secure the Border. Canvas latched on to the awkward image and created several notable remixes that landed in the Washington Post


 

“[Canvas is] more of an attempt to reimagine message-board software for modern browsers and sophisticated users,” Poole told the Daily Dot in May 2012.

“Images are really important to me. We knew we had to start with something media rich and remixing was an obvious component of that. We were thinking more about software in general, but it’s kind of continuing the ball that 4chan got rolling.”

Although it wasn’t obvious, Poole was also keeping 4chan moving forward on his own time. From a purely structural standpoint, 4chan was growing up. Poole and a small team of volunteer developers rolled out a new underlying HTML, Cascading Style Sheets (CSS), and an API that would make it easier for developers to use and parse 4chan’s code. An optional $20-a-year pass system was created to bypass typing a CAPTCHA verification every time you made a post. Poole unveiled the biggest updates to the site on Sept. 19, 2013. In a lengthy news post, he revealed that he’d beefed up moderator tools, board-by-board search functions, and a public ban log to give users insight into what content is being removed, and why.

“Despite a seven-fold increase in visitors, what hasn't changed much is the site itself,” Poole wrote. “Aside from the front-page redesign some six and a half years ago (a scandal in its day) and the introduction of the catalog and inline extension, from a user’s perspective, the form and function of 4chan has largely remained the same. This has been deliberate. While we’ve made numerous behind-the-scenes improvements to support the site’s growth, we’ve always sought to preserve the core 4chan user experience.”

But 4chan’s grip on Internet inside jokes has waned. It still generates original content, which is then organized by Reddit and culled by sites like BuzzFeed and Gawker, where it’s given a catchy headline and dropped onto your Facebook news feed. Eager to remain relevant, then, the community has remained in the news by upping the ante on its pranks and raids. 

Oddly, despite occasional raids on the social media pages of dead teenagers, things seem to be getting more positive, more inclusive, more supportive on 4chan. It’s shown an aptitude for politics, crashing the George Zimmerman trial by Skyping in en masse. It launched an LGBT forum, /lgbt/, which seems to be catching on. /b/ got a teenager arrested after he tweeted a video that showed him kicking a helpless kitten. The same forum got an iPad-wielding jerk banned from his gym. Last week, a user launched a weekly newspaper that helped popularize the channel of disabled Scottish YouTuber Colin McCooey.

“4chan is like an asylum on the Internet,” Poole says at Anime Weekend Atlanta 2013. “And if 4chan were to cease to exist—this is like Arkham Asylum. I mean, we’ve all seen Batman. There’s no Batman in this story. It’s is real life. They would just rape and pillage. It would be horrible on one hand, but fascinating.”

The future

“I know that you’ve said that you like skinny, sexy girls, and stuff like that,” one girl from the Anime Weekend Atlanta audience asks. “I want to know your hobbies and interests.”

“Boxers or briefs?” inquires a dude. (Poole wears boxers.)

Could you imagine Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey pausing his neverending selfie spree to answer a single one of these questions? Or Zuckerberg, tugging on his hoodie drawstring? David Karp, flashing his thousand-yard stare in one of his signature untucked button-ups?

Your average tech titan will place public relations hacks, investors, and campuses full of employees between himself and his users. It’s hard to measure success by community satisfaction. Dollar signs are easier.

That's what Poole has avoided since 2003, for better or worse. 

“Chris has tons of integrity in regards to 4chan and the open Internet,” John, the developer, told me. “As for sites like Facebook and company, people have obligations, and it’s understandable that they would take the opportunity to cash in on something they've worked very hard for, I doubt the world is going to drop capitalism anytime soon. Chris was very forward-thinking in deciding to branch out from 4chan in order to pay the bills, making it a labor of love rather than his sole work.”

To this day, Poole vows never to sell out. But he realizes that there will be a time where 4chan will be too much for him to run by himself. It’s a question that has dogged him for years and one he hopes to answer soon.

“It's possible that it'll continue to grow, it'll decline. Either way, I’m happy,” Poole said. “I never set out to have a large website. Everything is gravy if 4chan went back to being 20 people in a room with me. I just want to make sure the lights stay on for people who need them to be on. How do we get things to a place where a site can outlive its founder? That’s what’s important.”

This article has been edited to reflect additional details provided by Poole.

Illustration by Jason Reed

Swastikas, porn, and feels: 4chan users explain 4chan to us

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With more than 22 million unique visitors each month, 4chan attracts a whole lot of different people from all walks of life.

Some are anime fans, who visit /a/ and /jp/ for the latest discourse on novels, TV shows, and movies. Some are surrealists in search of little green men and the true meaning of life on /x/. And most are troublemakers, the pranksters who have made /b/ one of the most obscene and pornographic places on the Internet.

Either way, 4chan is something a little different to everybody. So on the imageboard's 10th anniversary, I wanted to know exactly what that was. 
 

MORE:
Now 10 years old, 4chan is the most important site you never visit


As I waited in line for 4chan founder Christopher “moot” Poole’s panel at Anime Weekend Atlanta Saturday night, I simply asked patrons, “What does 4chan mean to you?” In the spirit of the anonymity all 4chan users enjoy on the site, I didn’t want to know their names or where they were from. All I wanted was brutal honesty.

This is what 21 people had to share.


 

Photos by Fernando Alfonso III

4chan's 10 most important contributions to society

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There's no way to tell exactly how much influence 4chan, which turned 10 this week, has had on our culture. The site has grown from a modest anime hub to a swarming Internet underground whose originality is unparalleled and whose capacity for viciousness is the stuff of Heisenberg legend. The corporations and individuals hawking LOLcat merch and quoting the Rules of the Internet would rather peel off their fingernails than admit they're paying homage to a group of N-word-spewing nerds who once convinced a fellow user to have sex with a human skull (you're welcome to Google that).

Besides, there's no real 4chan archive. Jokes vanish as soon as they're posted. You could never prove the connection. But it's there, as true as the maxim that for everything online, there's a porn version of it (more on that below). For some reason, 4chan jokes tend to snowball into surprisingly significant and deeply permanent customs, online and IRL. Here are just a few.

1) Internet justice

Photo via Anonymous9000/Flickr

Before Anonymous was a league of do-gooder hacktivists whose claim to fame was bringing the Steubenville rape case into the public eye, it was relegated to 4chan's /b/ and better known as a troll cesspool that sent death threats to an 11-year-old, leaked Sarah Palin's email, sent a swastika to the top of Google's Hot Trends list, and started a rumor that Steve Jobs suffered a heart attack, which sent Apple's stock price plummeting.

Anonymous is no longer a centralized prank squad, it's a philosophy of Internet freedom and arbitrary social justice. (One common target recently: teens who abuse kittens on social media.) But Anonymous's allure has been apparent since the early days of 4chan. Faceless masses are truly horrifying, and maybe you really do feel like Batman when you put on the Fawkes mask. But the real appeal—for a lot of young people especially—is the chance to be part of something bigger than yourself. And to experience far more power than any schlub with a keyboard is entitled to.
 

2) Ben Huh’s LOLcat empire

Photo by yodelanecdotal/Flickr

Cats just won't go away. A grumpy-faced dwarf cat called Tard just made the cover of New York magazine, and Lil Bub is taking tours of the BuzzFeed office. They're the de facto mascots of Internet culture, the most widely recognized meme—and they got this way because one Caturday in 2005, a 4chan user asked himself, if cats could speak English, would they be any good at it?

Today, the animals are sinister little harbingers of commodification. It's impossible not to "like" an image of a derp-faced feline without filling the food bowl of the Cheezburger network, which mined 4chan for LOLcat images and turned its recycled .jpgs into a multimillion-dollar empire. And now we live in a world where Amazon sells a "#hilarious #party #game" called Say What You Meme.

But monetizing Internet culture without supporting the community that creates it will never end well. "We've seen Cheezburger peak," 4chan founder Christopher Poole told the Daily Dot. "Businesses are good for a few years. At the end of the day, they're not communities. People don't give a damn where they get their funny pictures. There's not a real culture. People are fickle. They are ready to hop to the next thing."

"4chan gets angry at a company du jour every year," Cheezburger CEO Ben Huh, above, told us. "Perhaps it's a rite of passage." Ironically, Huh is allergic to cats. 
 

3) Bronies

Photo by rjrgmc28/Flickr

Adult male fans of the children's TV show My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, and some of the most bizarre brohavior this side of butt-chugging. Being an adult male MLP"fan" can mean anything from putting Applejack on your desktop (like this redditor, who claims he was fired for it) to having a sexual relationship with a plush Rainbow Dash doll, or asking Reddit for advice after impregnating an imaginary pony. Props to the bronies for smashing gender stereotypes, but please, keep the pony sex dolls locked up.
 

4) Institutionalized misogyny

Photo via o_0/Flickr

Once upon a time, a group of dudes on the Internet bonded over how they were afraid of talking to women. "Don't you wish guys could have a place all to ourselves?" asked one. "Why not the Internet?" answered another. They high-fived and decided once and for all that this Internet was a place that would be for people with penises only. This idea the men shared made them feel powerful. They fapped together.

But there was one problem, they realized. The men enjoyed looking at naked breasts, and they had ostracized people with breasts. So they compromised, and told women that in order to enter the Internet, they had to humiliate themselves by showing their breasts to strangers. If women failed to comply, they would be banned. This is how 4chan created its own self-perpetuating myth: There are no girls on the Internet. And this is why, 10 years later, shit like this, this, this, this, this, and this keeps happening.
 

5) The Rules of the Internet


 

The Rules of the Internet are real. Most of them have to do with being on 4chan, but others have slipped into the mainstream. Rule 34, for example, states that if it exists, there is porn of it. This rule was proven time and time again until it became a meme, and now it's so ubiquitous that porn production companies are getting all meta and making meme-themed porn (NSFW) with Tumblr favorite James Deen. 

Then there's Rule 63, which insists that for every gendered meme, there's an opposite-gendered version of it, a Derpina for every Derp. You might not know it by name, but 63 persists on Tumblr and Pinterest and other spaces where bro humor isn't the norm. But it's not just lady versions of man things and vice versa—it's subversive, patriarchy-smashing gender anarchy, like the Hawkeye Initiative, or the slew of "Blurred Lines" parodies on YouTube.
 

6) Rage comics

Photo by yiie/Flickr

These terrible faces were funny once, long ago, before they landed on T-shirts sold in Hot Topic. Actually, they're only as old as 2008. Rage Guy, the Rhodesian Man of poorly drawn stick figures, first appeared in a four-panel comic about pooping. The trend spread to Reddit, where the F7U12 (read: FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU) forum took off. Fans eventually added a full cast of characters.

Once rage comics were out of 4chan's hands, /b/ promptly produced a set of cartoons lampooning the originals in a thread called "Draw trollface from memory."
 

7) Internet theme days

Photo by JD Hancock/Flickr

Throwback Thursday. Follow Friday. This sounds familiar, right? Giving days of the week different themes and activities started on /b/, where LOLcats became a Saturday tradition. On Monday (or Bunday), rabbits multiplied across the board like, well, rabbits. Caturday, of course, was a response to Furry Friday, which was devoted to people having sex in animal suits.

Let's hope the wonderful Thorsday (see above) is never forgotten.
 

8) The Rickroll

Photo by marcogomes/Flickr

The Rickroll—a classic bait-and-switch gag, redirecting random links to a video of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up"—is still so popular, it made it to Apple's iOS 7 support page.

"Rickrolling will never go away," writes Amanda Brennan at Know Your Meme. "It's something that's so ingrained in Internet culture, I don't think it will ever stop happening or being funny. It's a cornerstone, one of those rites of passage."
 

9) The death of online polling


 

All Mountain Dew wanted was to increase brand awareness and sell some goddamn soda. What it got was a crowdfunded new flavor called Hitler Did Nothing Wrong—or Fapple, depending on when you saw the poll. 4chan sent Taylor Swift to sing at a school for the deaf, then rigged a contest so a "fat old creep" named Charles could meet her. In 2012, TIME magazine's Person of the Year poll fell victim to 4chan's vote-rigging, which sent Kim Jong-un to the top spot. In 2009, after a 4chan campaign, TIME's world's most influential person prize went to Christopher Poole. The editors kept moot on the list. He'd proven his influence, and he hadn't lifted a finger. 

Online polling is a joke. Serious organizations do it anyway, as if they're asking the Internet to screw with them. Hell, it's always good publicity—even if you end up drinking something called Gushin' Granny.
 

10) The “Internet Hate Machine”

Photo hansvandenberg30/Flickr

Anonymous transformed from a neighborhood gang of rock-throwing 13-year-olds into a serious social movement, but its legacy remained: The Internet was now a place where you could hate, and hate freely, and it didn't matter what you were hating as long as the hate was cased in a hardened layer of nihilism and irony and elitist pseudo-intellectualism. On 4chan, the hate speech, like the shock porn, acts as a filter that weeds out anyone who still cares—about propriety, decency, morality, inclusivity, or just not calling people the F-word—and leaves the site relatively impenetrable to new users. On 4chan, the hateful are the enlightened. Even the "white knights" hate something

Since 2003, the 4chan community has given the Internet its mascots, its language, its symbols, its customs, its calendar, and most of all, its thick skin. It's done so at the cost of excluding just about everyone from the inner circle. The rest of the Internet is left with a lot to interpret, reject, and pass along to the next generation of haters. Maybe it doesn't matter if we know where these things came from. 

Illustration by Jason Reed

Is Reddit the reason 4chan raids are failing?

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4chan’s plots to get Lil B to perform at the Grammys, assemble a whites-only NBA All-Star Game, and rig a poll so a “fat old creep” could meet Taylor Swift all bombed. Just this week, /b/ botched its attempt to convince the masses that Miley Cyrus had contracted AIDS.

Maybe the now 10-year-old troll cesspool has lost its edge. Or maybe there’s another site getting in the way.

Netizens have attributed the high failure rate to a lack of leadership, poor planning, and an unclear definition of success. Yet a closer look at each of these pranks reveals one common threat: Reddit.

Operation #cureformiley began early Wednesday morning on /b/, home to all things random and perverse on 4chan. To help make the fake tweets, fake news stories, and a Facebook page believable, /b/ concocted the following reasons why Cyrus had contracted the disease:


 

1. Miley's relationship with Liam Hemsworth ended for reasons not speculated. We can make a story that he left her after he told him of her condition.

2. It can be used to explain her irrational sexuality on stage and in her music videos, she doesn’t have much time to live, she wants to get the most out of life, and feels she is doing so through her dancing.

3. Miley changed from a lovable character and singer to a seductive drug user … We can say this was caused by a depression that followed her finding out of this condition.

These are some of the images /b/ created to help spread the lie:


 

By about 8:15am, Reddit’s r/4chan community had discovered the operation and posted the doctored CNN image. Between 9 and 10:30am, #CureForMiley collected about 80 mentions on Twitter. 


 

At 10:41am, BuzzFeed blew the hoax wide open, linking directly to r/4chan.


 

The sight of all its hard work laid out like a naked corpse was too much for /b/ to handle.

“OP is a fucking dickhead as usual, ruining a good idea for some karma,” cyako commented on Reddit. 

“I miss the days before reddit was as popular as it is now,” notreddingit added. “When things like this actually had a really good chance of catching on. Nowadays all the retards who would believe and spread this type of thing are the same retards who are now seeing this on Reddit's front page.”

To be fair, you have to subscribe to r/4chan to see those stories on your front page, and the news has to have enough mainstream appeal to be upvoted to the top. If you’re a publication that covers 4chan extensively (like BuzzFeed and especially the Daily Dot), Reddit’s ability to organize news makes it a valuable aggregation tool.

With more than 365,000 subscribers, r/4chan has become 4chan’s greatest gift and curse. Because 4chan has no archive and the fact that popular threads expire within hours, r/4chan (and other third-party sites like 4chandata) has preserved screenshots of the site’s most memorable content. 

The only problem is, from /b/’s perspective, that often means preserving threads detailing their pranks.

This was the case on July 17 when /b/ tried to have a creepy old dude named Charles win a radio contest to meet pop star Taylor Swift. The contest was sponsored by Boston's Kiss 108FM and asked people to "vote for a contestant by visiting their unique link daily (every 24 hours)." It took less than day for /b/ to land Charles in the top spot:


 

But almost as soon as Charles was crowned No. 1, r/4chan was all over the prank. One user explained exactly how 4chan did it—by using scripts (essentially, voting robots) to manipulate the contest.


 

Three days later, Kiss 108FM canceled the contest. Over the next few weeks, /b/ tried to have Charles win a chance to meet singer Selena Gomez and the Jonas Brothers, but those all failed as well following posts on r/4chan.


 

Poll-rigging pranks such as these have been /b/’s specialty over the past year.

In November, TIME magazine's Person of the Year poll was manipulated by 4chan, Internet Chat Relay (IRC), and Reddit users to have North Korean leader Kim Jong-un win. Kim collected 5.9 million votes thanks to a Java script created by IRC user _js5. The script was also used to spell “KJUGASCHAMBERS” using the first letter of each candidate’s name. Kim ultimately lost the cover to President Barack Obama, but was crowned the people’s choice. 

4chan followed up this glorious prank with Operation White Man Can Jump, which unsuccessfully attempted to have only light-skinned players start in the 2013 NBA All-Star Game. 

In January, /b/ launched a disturbing operation called #cutforbieber, which called for Justin Bieber fans to take photos of their bleeding wrists in response to a photo of the pop star allegedly smoking weed. To help perpetuate the lie, /b/ created fake tweets and repurposed self-harm photos. The prank not only made #cutforbieber a trending topic, it ended up inspiring stories from Fox News, Daily Mail, and Wired. 4chan followed up with a second campaign, #boobs4bieber, asking Beliebers to tweet topless photos.

I reported on all of this. Then I got pizzas and lingerie catalogs sent to my parents.

The goal of a 4chan raid, which often goes unstated, is to get press any way it can. If that’s the criteria, then #cutforbieber was a win for /b/. Does media coverage actually shut them up, or does it just encourage crueler and crueler pranks?

H/T KnowYourMeme | Photo via Facebook

Range Rover driver injured in motorcycle attack might win armor for his car

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A motorcycle gang called Hollywood Stuntz chased Alexian Lien’s Range Rover for more than 50 blocks. They smashed in his windows dragged the man from his car, and beat him in the streets of New York in front of his wife and kid.

A grainy video from one of the bikers captures almost the entire incident. You’ve probably seen it: The high-speed motorcycle chase has now been viewed more than 6 million times. The collision left one of the bikers in critical condition.

It inspired the 4chan community to make sure it never happens again. 

NYPD has already confiscated 55 motorcycles and arrested 15 bikers for minor infractions. But for 4chan’s random imageboard /b/, home to all things depraved and diabolical, this isn’t enough: User have been working Friday morning to have Lien win an armored-car package from Texas Armoring Corporation (TAC). 

If the following YouTube video from TAC collects 5 million views by the end of the month, they will retrofit Lien’s car for free. In the video, TAC employees reenact the attack against Lien’s car, using a motorcycle helmet to try and smash open a window.

“Once people find out about it I don't think it will be impossible,” one anonymous /b/ user wrote. “The trick is getting the news out there. It wouldn't surprise me if the national media circulated it. Like one anon said, if /b/ set their sights on it, it would definitely happen, though it would probably end up hacked with images of swastikas or some shit by the time it was done.”

While trying to escape the bikers, Lien hit at least three of the motorcyclists with his car. One of the men was Edwin “Jay” Mieses, 33, who suffered a crushed spine and two broken legs, NBC reported. The Mieses family has retained the services of celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred. It is unclear whether Mieses will press charges against Lien. 

The Texas Armoring Corporation offers the following advice on what people should do to protect themselves in a similar situation: 

For our clients, one of the second concepts we teach is to USE YOUR VEHICLE TO YOUR TACTICAL ADVANTAGE—employ evasive driving techniques, ram potential attackers off the road, go off-road if possible where your pursuers can’t follow, and use the defensive capabilities of your car as an offensive deterrent.

Screengrab via YouTube

A beginner's guide to 4chan

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Last weekend, the Internet Hate Machine celebrated its 10th birthday. At Anime Weekend Atlanta Sept. 28, hundreds of fans, some dressed up as characters from games like Pokémon and BioShock, waited in line to meet Christopher “moot” Poole, the nerd god who founded 4chan when he was a 15-year-old manga fanatic in Westchester, N.Y. Poole has valiantly refused to monetize his site—not that he’d have an easy time of it, considering its content—even as his traffic skyrocketed to 22 million unique visitors per month. 4chan’s users are the most influential tastemakers and content creators on the Web, and also the most dangerous

If you’re like most casual netizens, you’ve likely heard about 4chan but never ventured in. That’s OK! We put together a comprehensive beginner’s guide. It’s got everything the New York Times won’t tell you about the “darkest corner of the Web.”

Beginner’s guides often become obsolete within months. Online communities change daily. Userbases are fickle; they get bored and vacate to make room for a younger generation. Web designers push for full site overhauls. 

Not on 4chan. It’s as archaic and lawless as ever. It’s also the most popular it’s ever been—the 379th most trafficked site in the U.S. It’s seen a steady rise on Google Trends, an analytics tool that measures search popularity. And the site now collects more than 22 million unique visitors per month.

If you’ve missed out on the last decade of 4chan’s antics, here’s some helpful tips on how you can get started (and avoid having pizzas delivered to your doorstep).

1) The devil is in the FAQpage

The last thing anyone wants to do when visiting a new site is read its FAQ page. But on 4chan it’s not only crucial, it’s extremely helpful. You can find all sorts of information such as an explanation from Poole on what 4chan actually is and why it does not allow users to register accounts. 

“4chan’s collaborative-community format is copied from one of the most popular forums in Japan, Futaba Channel,” the page states. “Different boards are dedicated to different topics, from Japanese anime, manga, and culture to video games, music, and photography. Users do not need to register a username before participating in the community.”

Because 4chan does not have an archive or a user registration system, the FAQ also contains details on how to keep track of your posts.

2) LURK MOAR: Know your boards

Of the more than 60 different communities on 4chan, its random imageboard, /b/, is by far the most popular. (It recently collected its 500 millionth post.)  /b/ was the second board Poole added to 4chan in 2003, right after its anime board, /a/. Since then, /b/ has spawned the Anonymous hacker movement and been behind some of the Internet’s most well known pranks. In just the last year, /b/ helped North Korea’s Kim Jong-un win Time magazine’s Person of the Year poll, tried repeatedly to have a creepy old dude win a contest to meet Taylor Swift, and bombarded a Facebook remembrance page for a dead teenager with despicable messages. And yet while all of this may inspire you to make /b/ your top spot, fight the urge. It’s not as glamorous as you think.

For nearly every thread detailing some prank or raid, there are hundreds of others filled with porn, unintelligible rants, and violent imagery. Broaden your horizons with these boards:

Paranormal (/x/): 4chan’s /x/ is like the summer fireside chat that never ends. A place where mysteries are solved, conspiracy theories debunked, and questions about life’s weird occurrences are addressed.

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender (/lgbt/): Launched only on March 18, is the first devoted to a serious societal issue. Users discuss serious topics like reproductive rights, sexuality, and same-sex marriage. Thanks to 4chan’s anonymity, users can open up about personal issues—hair removal, hormone therapy, coming out—without fear of backlash.

Auto (/o/): Whether you’re looking for buying advice or just want to share pics of your new whip, /o/ takes cars very seriously. 

Fitness (/fit/): /fit/ is the bench press spotter you’ve always wanted. The community often takes a lighthearted approach to fitness (like posting an image of a massive looking cheeseburger) while providing constructive feedback on workout regimens. /fit/  rallied together in July to have one Australian man banned from his local gym chain after he secretly captured photos of people working out and posted them to Facebook to mock them

ROBOT9001 (/r9k/): It was January 2008 and comic artist Randall Munroe was tired of having his chatroom spammed and overrun with reposts. To fix this problem, Munroe and a coding buddy created ROBOT9001. The robot was so successful, Poole created a board using ROBOT9001’s technology “to keep the denizens of 4chan from reposting images, memes, or other text more than once, enforced by a bot that would scan posts for unoriginal content and ’mute’ users for increasing periods of time for each infraction,” Oh Internet reports. In terms of content, the board is filled with philosophical musings and posts on sex.

3) Learn your vocab

sauce: Slang of the word “source,” used to find out where someone found a particular photo or to explain a certain claim.

bump: This is a comment  that forces the thread to rise to the top of a particular board.

sage: By entering the word “sage” into the email field will allow you to comment in a thread without bumping it to the top of the imageboard. It is typically used to comment on terrible threads without giving them more visibility by bumping them to the top of the imageboard.

cancer: Used to identify misused Internet memes or sayings. 

feels: Short for feelings. Used when someone is overcome with emotions.

GET: A GET is a "a randomly generated event on image boards that is noted when a post’s unique ID number consists of rare integer sequences, such as 1,000,000, 123456789 or 55555555," Know Your Meme reports. This numerical phenomenon is heavily celebrated on 4chan. One of the most recent gets happened on /b/ last month when it collected its 500 millionth post

OP: Stands for “original poster,” the person who originally published the thread in question.

an hero: Originated in 2006 after 7th grader Mitchell Henderson committed suicide. To commemorate his life, Henderson's friends started a Myspace page. One of the comments left in the page stated, “He was such an hero.” Since then, the term has been used by trolls to make fun of someone expressing a problem.

roll: A roll is an attempt to have the last two digits of a post match up with a predetermined number. The OP often sets the number and purpose from the start, such as “Roll 27 or 72 to win a free game download.”

/b/tard: A combination of bastard and retard. It is used to refer to a person who posts regularly on /b/. 

newfag: A new 4chan user.

oldfag: A longtime 4chan user.

summerfag: Often used in combination with newfag. Used to describe a young, new, 4chan user who is on summer vacation.

Triforce: The Triforce is a fictional symbol from Nintendo’s Zelda series. It consists of three triangles shaped into one larger triangle. On 4chan, users are able to recreate the symbol using ASCII characters. As described on Know Your Meme, “Those who simply copy & paste the triforce will fail to achieve proper alignment, as shown”:


▲ ▲

These users are often labeled “newfags.”

moot: This is Poole’s pseudonym and Internet handle he has used since 2003. He is the face of 4chan, unknown until 2008. 

4) Grow a thick skin

If you can’t stand being called nearly every obscenity ever created and the sight of deformed genitalia, 4chan may not be for you. Even the most focused imageboards, like technology (/g/), will ultimately feature the passing offense. 4chan is also a staunch supporter of Rule 34, which states that"pornography or sexually related material exists for any conceivable subject." 

5) Fake it till you make it

4chan’s anonymity is its great equalizer. Not only can you be anyone, with the right amount of research and understanding, you can can go from being a newfag to an oldfag in mere moments. 

And hell, even if you make a fool of yourself, chances are the thread will expire in less than a day.

Illustration by Jason Reed


The most obsessive user in 4chan history

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On Monday, the most disturbing thing in 4chan’s 10-year history was posted to the site, and it wasn’t a picture of a dead baby. 

It was a 97-page research document that could keep The Dark Knight’s Joker up at night in a cold sweat. A document so unnerving that it will go down as the greatest ruse of all time or the most profound slip into insanity ever witnessed online. 

The name of the document is “The Philmarilion,” and its story begins on 4chan’s sports board, /sp/, a place filled with lighthearted discussions on who will be this season’s NFL MVP and why athletes don’t train with weighted clothing. One of /sp/’s most active users was UTV. Not much is known about UTV because, unlike Reddit and Twitter for example, 4chan doesn’t have an archive or a login system. Yet from the breadcrumbs collected on third-party archiving sites, UTV is an Englishman who follows the Premier League, is fan of Aston Villa striker Christian Benteke, and hates Manchester City. He also enjoys racial humor. In other words, UTV is not much different from your ordinary sports fan. Only he has a secret admirer of his own.

This fan goes by “the archiver.” Since June, he’s been following UTV’s every online move, commenting in his threads, and summarizing his activities with journal-like precision.


 

“[S]ometimes it is impossible to resist speaking to him, he is a naked woman and I must have a peek,” the archiver explained. “As you can see, his responses to me are generally good natured ‘banter’ with humorous intention that show the sweet, tender relationship that we share together.”

The more UTV lashed out against the archiver, the more his descent into madness accelerated. 

On July 1, the archiver began counting how many posts UTV made a day, logging them all in the The Philmarilion. By the end of the month he had tallied 1,472 entries. This meticulous bookkeeping continued over the next two months as the archiver’s obsession evolved. He began composing poems and song parodies based off of UTV’s interests. They totaled eight pages.


 

The archiver also began creating his own Rorschach tests, using screengrabs of UTV’s /sp/ submissions as art.

Then the archiver began planning. 

What would a comedy roast of UTV look like? What about their home together? Or UTV’s funeral? The archiver not only had detailed answers for each of these questions, he had illustrations.

“One day I wish to meet UTV in person. As such, I think it would make sense to plan the layout for our home when we eventually do. We would probably live in an apartment at first, with UTV working and me staying home to continue my archiving and writings about him and looking after our pet annoyed cat. This is a plan for a seven room apartment that we could potentially share.”

“I am well aware that one UTV may die. I do not want it to happen and this page should not be interpreted as that possibility, but I believe he is slightly older than me and I have no visions where I am no longer by his side, so whether he dies in 60 years or 60 minutes, from old age or alcohol poisoning celebrating a Villa title win, whichever comes first, I am going to ensure that I plan his funeral.”


 

By September, the archiver became unhinged. To make himself “feel closer to UTV,” he began creating little to-do lists for him to complete and labelling food in his refrigerator with Sticky Notes. He also turned into an inventor. Using paper, scissors, and tape, the archiver created the “UTV hater doormat,” which was an ordinary welcome mat with /sp/ posts from UTV haters attached to it. The archiver also created the UTV belt, the opposite of the hater doormat.

“When I have to go out and miss UTV I always want to read some of his posts,” the archiver wrote. “This idea is a belt with UTV posts attached that allows me to quickly pull off a UTV post at any time for my reading. They are all responses to me and seem more personal and make me miss him less.”

Then came “U and me TV: A tale of two detectives” and “Sun Sex and Suspicious archivers,” fictional made-for-TV stories full of dialogue and camera directions. Not to mention, an entire bank robbery scenario with more images. 

On Sept. 8, the archiver began “the bait club,” declaring that he would be stepping up his efforts to obtain personal information on UTV. Four days later, he released these three YouTube videos. Their meanings are unknown.

And finally there was the £40 million ($63.9 million): The cost UTV’s family would have to pay to retrieve their son from the archiver’s bathroom floor after he had abducted him. 

“This is a ransom note made up from texts in UTV posts. If I were to ever kidnap him this is what I would send,” the archiver wrote. “I would not be making sexual advances but seeing my naked body would be good for him to get to know who I am more.”


 

On Oct. 7, the archiver broke his silence. After months of research, he had been found out. 

“I have been with UTV for 255 threads. This is the last one,” he wrote on /sp/, linking to his 97-page document. “My parents have discovered my UTV works, and they have insisted I remove everything of the type from my computer and be done with it. They will be monitoring my activities now to sure I cannot do it any more. They have given me a day to remove everything and this is my final message. I am sorry to UTV and hope he sees this and understands.”

Since coming forward with his findings, UTV has allegedly gone into hiding and had contacted the police. His only response to the archiver’s admission was a question mark.

Over the past week, the archiver’s document has been shared all around 4chan. Users are calling it one of the greatest WTF moments of all time.

“I've been on 4chan for nine years and this is still pretty amazing to me,” one anonymous user commented on /b/, 4chan’s random imageboard. “This site has been utter shit for the last three years and this is the best to come off it in a long time, troll or no troll.”

“Either way you look at this though, someone is seriously psychotic and beyond help,” another /b/ user added. “This just transcends all levels of autism into some new dimension of psychotic.”

While the dedication and planning it took to compile the 97 pages has captured 4chan’s collective attention, such elaborate schemes are nothing new for the community. 

In April 2009, just a few months after Christopher “moot” Poole was identified in the mainstream media as the founder of 4chan, the community decided to pay their respects. And they did so at the expense of Time’s annual Time 100 poll. 

Not only did the 4chan community game the online poll to have Poole take the top spot,  they rigged the rest of it to spell the phrase “Marblecake, also the game” with the first letter of each contender’s first name.

In the end, Poole was voted "Most Influential Person of 2009." 

If the recent Pronunciation Book debacle has taught the Internet anything, it’s that nothing and no one can be trusted. Fame and Web traffic are cruel sirens that can corrupt the purest ideas. 

Could the archiver and UTV be one person? Or maybe the The Philmarilion is just the beginning of a sprawling viral campaign for the One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest sequel? At this moment, the document is the purest it will ever be. That’s enough for most 4chan users.

“The way these things are written smell like troll. They're too comprehensive for someone who would be this crazy,” one anonymous 4chan user wrote. “[R]egardless, this is pretty awesome.”

Illustration by Jason Reed

4chan's latest racist vote-rigging prank could net $10,000 for moot

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“Gushing Granny,” “Fapple,” and “Hitler did nothing wrong” were just three of the names 4chan came up with last fall for a new Mountain Dew drink. To no one’s surprise, none of them became an actual soda flavor.

Undeterred by that failure, the 4chan community has turned its attention to Neuro Drinks’ create-a-SONIC contest.

And with $10,000 and a year's supply of drinks at stake for founder Christopher “moot” Poole, 4chan’s random imageboard /b/, home to all things ghoulish and obscene, is taking this one seriously. 

Well, sort of.

Since 9:20am ET, /b/’s racist entry, “Nig Nogs Tears,” has jumped five spots, collecting more than 400 votes in 90 minutes. As of 11am, it is in first place.

The race to get “Nig Nogs Tears” to the top began late Thursday night. Since then, /b/ has entered at least five other horses into the race.

Despite /b/’s fervor, “Nig Nogs Tears” and the rest of its submissions will likely fail to win unless the community can pull off a Time Magazine-like maneuver.

“The judges select one out of the top 10,” one /b/ user wrote. “You're going to need to think of nine others, or help /v/ [4chan’s video game board] with their choices.”

In April 2009 4chan decided to pay their respects to Poole by gaming Time’s annual Time 100 poll to have him take the top spot. Not only were they successful in this endeavor, they rigged the rest of the contest to spell the phrase “Marblecake, also the game” with the first letter of each contender’s first name. In the end, Poole was voted "Most Influential Person of 2009." 

4chan followed up on this success in 2012 by voting North Korean leader Kim Jong-un as Person of the Year. The community also spelled “KJU GAS CHAMBERS” by voting candidates such as Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and New Jersey governor Chris Christie to the top. 

Voting for the Neuro contest will close on Halloween. Chances are, it will be a scary finish.

Photo via Neuro (Remix by Fernando Alfonso III)

4chan's unironic homage to 'Lolita' is a sick fantasy

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“It's the best thing I've ever read on the net.”

That sums up the reader reaction to the Liliad, an epic tale still in progress on the Internet’s most disturbing imageboard, 4chan. As members of the site’s /b/ forum await the seventh and final installment, the epic love story’s momentum is fueled by rumors that the whole thing is actually real.

But if it were, that would be a problem, because the basis for the story is child abuse. Its plot focuses on a 15-year-old boy who falls for an 11-year-old girl named Lily. It’s a love-conquers-all fantasy version of Lolita, inspired by a deliberate misreading of Vladimir Nabokov’s novel. The moral—love is a dark, blinding, corruptive force—has flown straight over the Liliad fandom’s head.

Screengrab via Scribd

I do believe in a happy ending. I really do. I don't care if I cry like a little girl at the end but damn, I want this story to end with joy and happiness all over the place.

These are just a few of the raves 4chan’s dishing out. The protagonist is not, as you might expect from the title, the eponymous Lily, but rather its narrator, a 25-year-old man looking back at his life story. It starts with the 10-year-old Lily, who is part Asian, “tricking” him into chatting with her by using her older sister’s identity. By the time the boy, 15, realizes the truth, he’s already in too deep:

Lily was so far away, she could not hurt me. It was a perfect situation, sort of. Except the part where she was an 11yo girl. Other than that.

From there the story moves into an erotic affair of passion, but without any of Lolita’s irony. The protagonist of the Liliad is aware he’s messed-up, but he blames the 11-year-old for having “turned me into a pedophile,” and claims that even at 11 and 12 she was more mature and “far more able to handle” their relationship than he was.

But the narrative itself also proceeds like a typical love story. The lovers meet under deceptive circumstances; they consummate their love but are soon parted, only to meet again when she is much older. But not to worry: After some hem-hawing, she confesses that she loves him, too.

Is the Liliad meant to be read ironically? Or is it a truly straightforward romance, a no-frills affirmation of pedophilic impulses?

As in Lolita, the protagonist feels manipulated by the young girl at the center of the story. Like Dolores Haze, Lily appears as part memory, part fantasy in the mind of an older narrator. Both protagonists briefly reunite with their darlings when they are older. Both female characters are never really allowed to speak for themselves, being channeled instead through the worshipful fantasy-laden narrative of their male suitor. 

But Nabokov was not writing for an online culture that fetishizes teenage girls—especially Japanese girls.

Suggestions of a Liliad/Lolita connection have gotten little traction on /b/, however—mainly because the audience members aren’t generally aware of the message and subtext of Lolita


 

After archiving the story at Pastebin, the story’s anonymous fans moved it over to Tumblr. As they wait for the story’s final update, which should be arriving on /b/ Sunday, they’ve encouraged each other to share the story far and wide. The story’s fans have dubbed themselves “Lilions,” and their fears and hopes are high for the final chapter, which takes place after the narrator and Lily have briefly reunited. As part of the facade, the OP has reportedly responded to emails with depressive language suggesting that the confessional is being written in a state of great confusion that suggests an impending narrative climax.

Will they stay together? 4chan seems committed to the rosiest version of the story possible. 

“This story is about perfect love,” insisted one member of /b/. “I mean if this story was a girl, she would be a 15/10 at least.”

But this “perfect” story involves a girl who’s seen as luring the narrator into a relationship he can barely handle, and an unreliable narrator who’s already made up his mind after their first sexual encounter that “that time didn’t count... There would be a second time - way better for her. ...” Afterwards, he glosses over her subsequent crying jag, telling her to “cheer up, we’d see each other again.” A decade later, when he sees her again, he prompts her to tell him she loves him. And for every assertion of affection, she also expresses signs of doubt:

She said the same to me, adding that after all these years, how could she not have those feelings?

Is this really the perfect love story 4chan thinks it is?

Only Sunday will tell.

Photo via cracked-rock-cat/deviantART

4chan gets involved in dad's viral plan to keep his son from skipping class

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Stern conversations and visits to the principal weren’t cutting it with 12-year-old Jon. No matter what his parents did, he continued to skip school. 

So his father, Kevin, decided to get creative. 

Knowing that his son was an avid Facebook user, Kevin created and posted the following digital flier on his own Facebook page, encouraging people to call his work phone if they saw Jon not in school between the hours of 8:30 am and 3:30 pm. 

From there, the flier went viral. 

It landed on Reddit’sr/funny forum ,and ultimately on 4chan’s random imageboard, /b/, where the community did what it knows best: pranks. One /b/ user called the number listed and had a two-minute long conversation with Kevin. (I also called the number and heard Jon’s voicemail message, which matches up with the voice on /b/’s recorded call.)

If Jimmy Kimmel’s viral twerk fail hoax is any indication, anything hilarious on the Internet that seems “too good to be true” probably is. But this dad’s attempt to keep tabs on his son may be a rare exception. Here’s what we’ve found out regarding the authenticity of Kevin’s flier. 

The phone number on the flier belongs to the same company Kevin mentions in his voicemail message, and his last name is listed on the company's homepage. That led us to Jon’s Facebook page, where you can find a comment from the disobedient tween, trashing his father over the flier.

A look through Jon and Kevin’s Facebook timelines also reveals a number of family photos, all of which are public. 

Our conclusion? If this flier is a fraud, it’s an extremely elaborate one.

Kevin may have gotten more than he bargained for when he asked for the Internet’s help. As of Friday morning, he’s wiped his Facebook profile clean of all posts, including the flier. 

Photo by loop_oh/Flickr

Time closes Person of the Year loopholes, Miley Cyrus still poised to win

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The company powering Time Magazine’s Person of the Year poll has closed the loopholes used by two programmers and an army of 4chan users to manipulate it in favor of singer Miley Cyrus and whistleblower Edward Snowden.

The company, Poptip, eliminated the loopholes by early Wednesday morning, about a day after two programmers (a high schooler who calls himself Gains and a college student named Marek) rigged it in favor of Cyrus.

“They were IP banning every user capable of spamming the poll, including me,” Gains told me. “They also changed the [poll's] URL to http://www.poptip.com/_/poy/vote to http://www.poptip.com/_/poy/v0te in an attempt to stop us for a bit, and they also added Facebook authentication tokens in the voting process, which eliminates the possibility of voting for users on their behalf.”

The story of how Marek and Gains toyed with one of the world’s most respected news magazines began late Monday evening. That’s when I was invited to hop on a Skype call with the two programmers as they swapped code and decided on which public figure they wanted to win. They were creating scripts, dynamic programs that automated the vote casting process by working around Twitter and Facebook’s authentication.

By plugging a person’s Facebook ID number (which is public) into their scripts, the duo casted votes on behalf of that person without them knowing. The scripts also used threading, which essentially allowed them to cast multiple votes at once.

At about 10:45pm ET, Cyrus hovered around 15th place. She was right above Dzhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev, the two brothers accused of bombing the Boston Marathon this spring. By 3am Tuesday, she was in fourth place. Leading the poll was Snowden, the favored choice among the Anonymous hacktivist collective and users of imageboard 4chan.

While Gains and Marek worked away on their scripts, 4chan’s random imageboard, /b/, and its technology board, /g/, had pieced together their own vote rigging methods (here’s one). By 9am Tuesday, Snowden had collected more than 45 percent of the vote.

“I thought it was over,” Gains told me. “That sadly, Marek and I failed in making Miley win the poll. We really thought that 4chan won this round and that there was no way we could recover from that.”

Over the next five hours, the Internet collectively cheered as Snowden, a former National Security Agency (NSA) employee responsible for leaking top secret documents, dominated.

“Snowden. No contest,” Reddit user goofproofacorn commented in one of the half dozen threads discussing his ascendance.

Then at 2pm something strange happened. Poptip stripped Snowden of thousands of votes. It resulted in him falling from first place. 4chan’s scheming ways had been discovered.

"Time and Poptip are aware of the efforts to affect the results of the Person of the Year poll, and have measures in place so that only legitimate votes are being incorporated in the final tally," a Time spokesperson told Mashable. "We're delighted that so many people are having fun with this informal poll and contributing to the conversation [about who should win]."

Gains and Marek saw this as the perfect opportunity. The duo switched to using public Twitter IDs in their scripts, which sped up the voting process. At 3:23pm, Cyrus reached the top of the poll. The two programmers could hardly believe it.

“People are mad about it, and people don't expect it,” Gains told me in a message. “It was our intention to make sure we didn't associate with 4chan's pranks this year. And the best part about this year is that one redditor who posted ‘2013: the year we learned 4chan < 2 programmers. Times change.’”

The celebration was short lived. By 1am Wednesday, Poptip had closed the loopholes. The scripts were useless. But it didn’t matter. Cyrus’s fans and the media were doing all the work for them.

The Huffington Post, Entertainment Weekly, BuzzFeed, and Computer World were just a few of the major news and entertainment organizations to report on Cyrus's march up the poll. Not to mention the thousands of fans tweeting about her. At 10 pm ET Wednesday, she had 28.3 percent of the vote.

Even Wikileaks invited its 2.1 million followers to join in on the fun.

The Time poll closes on Dec. 4 at 11:59pm. The winner will be announced on Dec. 6. This person will likely not be Time’s Person of the Year and instead will be crowned the Reader’s Poll winner.

That’s the title Time bestowed upon North Korean President Kim Jong-un last December after a group of 4chan and Anonymous members got hold of the poll.

It only took two days for Kim to collect 2.9 million votes at a rate of 6,000 every 10 minutes using a script. This group also spelled “KJU GAS CHAMBERS” by voting candidates like New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie to the top. President Barack Obama was named the magazine’s Person of the Year.

So will Cyrus ultimately win? Gains isn’t quite sure. It may take more than just some enthusiastic fans.

“If someone was still looking for an opportunity to rig the poll, they'll probably be forced to create and maintain a Facebook account creation script, which would work with the Poptip voting service,” Gains said. “But then you have to think, is it really worth [doing that] to rig one poll? We don't think it's worth it at all, so we're leaving it at that, unless we can find a new way to rig the poll. In the end, we still want Miley Cyrus to win.”

Illustration by Jason Reed

4chan user sets himself on fire in livestreamed suicide attempt

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A longtime user of 4chan’s notorious /b/ imageboard apparently attempted to take his own life in a fire Saturday night while 200 people watched on a live video stream.

The 20-year-old, identified only as “Stephen,” announced on the anonymous board that he intended to commit suicide—or “an hero,” in the parlance of /b/. 

“As an oldfag who’s been on 4chan since 2004, I thought I would finally give back to the community,” he wrote. “I am willing to an hero on cam for you all.”

Another user responded by setting up a video chatroom on streaming website Chateen. Stephen joined in with the username LOLDoge, a reference to a meme featuring a photo of a Shiba Inu dog that’s recently been popular on /b/.

With 200 viewers—the maximum allowed on Chateen—watching him, and even more clamoring to get in, Stephen downed a combination of vodka and unidentified pills. He set a small fire using a toaster in the corner of his room, and crawled under the bed. The camera was still running.

In a video of the incident, still available on LiveLeak (NSFW), the room fills up with smoke and Stephen apparently starts to burn. 

“#imdead #omgimonfire,” he typed from under the bed.

“I’m fuck3d.” 

But Stephen wasn’t dead. At least, not yet. The video also captured firefighters entering the room and pulling him out. 

Some /b/ users believe Stephen is a student at the University of Guelph, in Ontario, Canada. According to the Guelph Mercury, one person was injured in a dorm room fire on the university campus. That victim is now at Guelph General Hospital with “serious, but non-life-threatening” injuries. 

Meanwhile, YourAnonNews, a popular Twitter account associated with the hacker collective Anonymous—which originated on /b/—claimed Stephen had actually died. YourAnonNews cited a news story from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette about a house fire that took place at the same time Saturday night. The victim in that fire was pronounced dead at the scene after firefighters pulled him out.

Stephen has quickly become a legend on /b/, earning the nickname “Toaster Steve,” as 4channers speculate about whether he survived the incident. 

Update: The University of Guelph confirmed that the student deliberately set fire to his dorm room. The university is "aware that there is disturbing social media activity circulating about this incident." 

Update 2: The University of Guelph told the Daily Mailthat the incident did, in fact, take place on campus. The victim is still in the hospital with his mother at his bedside. "He can’t talk to anyone at the moment. His mom is with him and we may be able to talk to him in the next day or two. He’s going to be in a fragile state. We’re respecting his privacy and need to recover with the interest it’s a difficult balance," a staff member said. 

Photo via anonymous/4chan

This is the 4chan user who livestreamed his suicide attempt

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The 4chan user who livestreamed his attempted suicide has been identified. The man is Dakota Moore, 21, a student at the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada.

On Saturday, Moore tried to take his own life by swallowing a combination of vodka and pills and setting his dorm room on fire. The event was captured on camera and broadcast on the site Chateen, where 200 people from 4chan’s /b/ forum tuned in. Instead of trying to talk Moore down, /b/ egged him on.

In a grainy video of the incident, still available on LiveLeak (NSFW), Moore’s fourth-floor room at the Dundas Hall fills with smoke..

“#imdead #omgimonfire,” he typed from under the bed. “I’m fuck3d.”

Near the end, firefighters can be seen in the room.

Moore, whom /b/ has dubbed “Toaster Steve,” is currently recovering at an Ontario hospital with his mother by his side.

Instead of people wishing him well on Facebook, photos on his profile have been inundated with comments discussing the alleged motives behind his suicide attempt. Other trolls have transformed Moore’s likeness, and his /b/ nickname, into image macros.

Moore’s friends have tried to come to his defense.

“Did any of you eggheads cheering him on think to help him and say stop?” Cheyenne Vivian commented on Facebook. “I don't want to hear your stupid excuses as to how you could possibly even be a little human and comments I'm done with this thread. I hope you all can sleep well at night knowing how pathetic you all are and what you have done.”

Photo via Facebook


4chan's fake Xbox One instructions convince users to brick their systems

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With as many problems as Microsoft’s new gaming console, the Xbox One, has encountered in its rocky road to the holiday market, the real surprise is that 4chan managed to wait til December before creating the ultimate prank for anyone still holding onto their dreams of an Xbox not “fraught with frustrations.”

Yesterday, 4chan’s infamous /b/ forum—which a few months ago convinced a bunch of people to dunk their new iPhones in water—unleashed an elaborate infographic that promises a “hack” to provide backwards compatibility for the Xbox One. 

MORE: Now 10 years old, 4chan is the most important site you never visit

There’s just one hitch: Actually following the directions will totally destroy your new toy. You know. The one that retails anywhere from $500 to $900.

The prank purports to “unlock” the console, allowing it to play games designed for the older Xbox 360.


 

Instead, it “bricks” the Xbox One completely, rendering it totally inoperable. And unfortunately for anyone who trusted the trolls at 4chan, it doesn’t come with reversal instructions.


 

4chan’s prank is pure evil. It's also somewhat clever commentary on the level of frustration gamers have felt with the console in the lead-up to its launch this year.

1) First, a highly anticipated E3 premiere of the Xbox One was undermined by accusations of sexism.

2) Shortly afterward, Microsoft had to reverse two controversial features: one that required the console to be constantly connected to the Internet in order to play games, and another that placed DRM restrictions on game-sharing.

3) Then gamers realized they needed to buy an already widely criticized $60 annual subscription to Xbox Live in order to get the most out of the new console.

4) Finally, on top of everything else, Microsoft announced that making older editions of the console compatible with the Xbox One would be “problematic,” despite hinting earlier on that they’d be willing to use streaming services to make older games available.

5) The sexism allegations returned in full force as Microsoft published a really weird form letter called "We got your back," addressed to dudes whose girlfriends won't let them play video games. It was as if the company didn't realize that nearly 40 percent of Xbox users are women.

It’s hardly a surprise that fans are falling for the prank—after all, who doesn’t want to play Halo 4 on their brand-new gaming console, even if the resolution is disappointing

The damage has been significant enough that Xbox Live’s programming director Larry Hryb put out a PSA via Twitter:

It seems as though Microsoft has its hands full trying to keep Xbox fans from self-destructing: earlier this week on Reddit, a user tried to explain how to access the Xbox One’s highly anticipated Devkit feature, only to be begged to stand down by Xbox developers concerned he would brick the console before the feature was fully deployed.

But with an eight-year stretch between the release of the Xbox 360 and the Xbox One, the odds are many gamers won’t want to wait for Microsoft to fix the console’s more controversial elements. For 4chan, a crowd of gamers this eager to create workarounds must have seemed easy to manipulate. 

The good news: It’s easy to avoid bricking your new Xbox simply by leaving it alone and ignoring anything that promises a feature Microsoft hasn’t already announced.

The bad news? It won’t get you any closer to having the Xbox you wish you owned, instead of the one you actually bought.

But at least you didn’t buy a photo of an Xbox, like this poor kid did.

H/T O Canada | Photo via Wikimedia Commons

4chan rigged the Meme of the Year poll to leave a very special message

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While the poll-rigging pranksters from 4chan’s imageboard /b/ failed at having whistleblower Edward Snowden win Time’s Person of the Year, they had their way with Know Your Meme’s Favorite Meme of 2013 vote.

Using automated voting programs called scripts, /b/ successfully spelled the phrase “BTARD” with the first letters of each candidate's name. “/B/tard,” as defined by 4chan founder Christopher “moot” Poole during a federal testimony against the Sarah Palin hacker, is “a term users of the /b/ random board use for themselves.”


 

Sitting atop Know Your Meme’s poll was Brent Rambo, a child model from a 1990s commercial for Apple’s desktop products. The video, for the Macintosh and Apple II, shows Rambo turning away from the computer give the camera a thumbs-up. Twenty-some years later, the GIF went viral.


 

/B/ began rigging Know Your Meme’s poll late Monday night before it closed at 11:59pm. The following scripts were shared in two different threads:


 

“Using the google chrome method you can make roughly 6-7 votes in one minute,” one anonymous user commented. “In order to spell ‘BTARD,’ Doge must be beat 4 times. That is an estimate of ((3308-2556) + 3308 x 3) about 10676 votes that must be made in order to succeed.”

Much of this coding resembles scripts /b/ used last year to rig Time’s Person of the Year poll. That poll and Know Your Meme’s were both powered by Polldaddy. /b/ was not only successful in helping North Korean leader Kim Jong-un top the poll, it also spelled “KJU GAS CHAMBERS” by voting candidates such as Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to the top. 


 

While the phrase indirectly references the barbaric conditions at North Korea’s prisons, “KJU GAS CHAMBERS” was just supposed to be funny and not related to the penal labor colonies.

In 2009, 4chan pulled off a similar prank when users voted Poole as Time’s Most Influential Person. The 4chan users also spelled out “marblecake also the game," a reference to "the name of the IRC channel used during Project Chanology raids [on Scientologist websites], by arranging the first 21 nominees’ names in a particular order,” KnowYourMeme reported

This year, /b/ wasn’t so lucky.

After rigging Time’scontest in favor of Snowden on Nov. 25, Poptip (the company powering the poll) closed loopholes used to exploit votes casted using Twitter and Facebook. The move also affected two independent programmers named Gains and Marek, who worked to have singer Miley Cyrus win the poll.

“[Poptip] were IP banning every user capable of spamming the poll, including me,” Gains told me. “They also changed the [poll's] URL to http://www.poptip.com/_/poy/vote to http://www.poptip.com/_/poy/v0te in an attempt to stop us for a bit, and they also added Facebook authentication tokens in the voting process, which eliminates the possibility of voting for users on their behalf.”

When voting closed on Wednesday, Egyptian general Abdel Fattah el-Sisi and Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdoğan claimed the top two spots. Cyrus came in third place. 

Illustration by Fernando Alfonso III

This 'fix' for 4chan's Xbox One prank only makes things worse

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You’ve just turned your brand new Xbox One into a $500 paperweight thanks to some bogus instructions from 4chan. With tears in your eyes, you search the Internet for a fix and stumble upon these instructions.

Whatever you do, don’t follow them.

Eager to double down on the success of a 4chan prank that bricked some gamers’ systems last week, someone posted these new instructions on how to fix your damaged console to the image forum 9gag. But like the first set, these will only cause heartache.

Although the Daily Dot has yet to approve my expense request for an Xbox One, from the looks it, these steps probably won’t breathe life into your Xbox—but they will mess up your computer. That’s because they call for removing Windows’ System32 folder, an essential part of the operating system and one of the Internet’s longest-running gags.

“As a trolling scheme, System32 is typically presented as a virus and instructions are given on how to delete it without prompting a warning message,” Knowyourmeme reports. “While it is likely that ‘Delete system32’ scheme has been circulating online since the early 2000s, the trick became a well-known trolling device through its usage on 4chan in late 2006.”

/b/’s original Xbox One instructions promised to let Xbox One owners play Xbox 360 games on their new systems. The prank played into gamers’ frustrations over the limitations Microsoft placed on the Xbox One, including one that restricted game-sharing.

While the latest set of instructions were originally found on 9gag, chances are they could have made by /b/. 

According to a screengrab from now deleted /b/ thread, the community seems to have raided 9gag’s comment thread with claims that the “fix” actually works.

Photo by mastermaq/Flickr

This 4chan user bought a Lamborghini with $200K in Bitcoin

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For the second time in the past two weeks, someone purchased a high-end luxury car using Bitcoin. This time, the buyer happened to be a 4chan user.

The 2014 Lamborghini Gallardo was purchased sight unseen from a dealership in Newport Beach, Calif., Tuesday.

The buyer, from 4chan’s technology board /g/, spent 216.8433 bitcoins—or $209,995—on the yellow supercar.

This information was found on three official documents from Lamborghini Newport Beach which were leaked online.The only person to have access to these documents are the buyer and the dealership, marketing director Cedric Davy told me this afternoon. And the dealership wasn’t the one to leak them, he added. (Click to enlarge.)

“It was a little surprising to us,” Davy, 33, said. “It’s interesting thing because after the first transaction, it’s something for us that went viral in a way we weren’t even considering. We got a lot of phone calls from people with interest in buying with Bitcoin.”

At the bottom of the third image there is 64 character long transaction number, e71a70ea0bdf3b510ec0a50d3119b6f36577af0390ee0b916f92a46c114db135. This number matches perfectly with what was posted on 4chan’s auto board /o/ Tuesday by the alleged buyer.


 

While the bill of sale is official, Davy added that the transaction will not be completed for about 72 hours. This is the time it takes for Bitpay, a third-party Bitcoin payment service, to verify the Bitcoins. Only after that happens will the identity of the buyer be revealed to Lamborghini Newport Beach.

Lamborghini Newport Beach made international news last week when it became one of the first luxury car dealers to accept Bitcoin as payment. The first car they sold to a a buyer waving a digital wallet was the Tesla Model S for 91.4 Bitcoins.

Since that purchase, and the subsequent press, the dealership has received about 20 serious calls about people interested in purchasing cars with Bitcoins

On a typical month, the dealership sells five new cars and about 15 used.

Considering Bitcoins meteoric rise in popularity, that will likely change.

“The first one was a surprise but now we’re a little bit more prepared,” Davy said.

Photo via Pilise Gábor/Wikimedia Commons

4chan dupes Mac users with 'secret Bitcoin mining feature'

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Eager to capitalize on the success of its Xbox One bricking hoax, 4chan’s random imageboard /b/ is trying convince people to trash their Apple computers.

The latest prank claims to show people how they can turn their Macs into Bitcoin mining machines

Bitcoin mining is the process that creates new bitcoins, the world’s most popular digital currency. Bitcoin, popular in the darker corners of the Web, is generated through complex mathematical problems that can be solved on everyday computers.  

But instead of making you rich in digital currency, 4chan’s instructions will delete essential files from your computer. It’s the Mac equivalent of convincing a Windows user to delete System32.

While most /b/ users scoffed at the idea of people falling for this trick, at least two people seem to have tried it.

Over the weekend /b/ tricked Xbox One owners into ruining their consoles using instructions that claimed to make the system backwards compatible with Xbox 360 games. Don't follow these instructions unless you want to use your Xbox One as an expensive paperweight.

On Wednesday, someone on the image community 9gag tried to dupe Xbox owners again with a set of instructions on how to reverse /b/’s damage and recover a bricked Xbox One. Don't fall for: These steps won't restore your Xbox, and they'll damage your computer in the process.

Photo by Travis Isaacs/Flickr

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